Better off playing tag on the highway

          There are jobs and there are bad jobs. Then there are jobs nobody in their right mind interviews for or accepts. They should be advertised under the heading, “Lunatic needed.”

          For this reason, it is always a good idea to ask what happened to the most recent person to hold the position you might interview for.

          Your loyal blogger once held public office, taking the position when the previous office holder moved out of his service area due to a family issue. The decision not to run for election was fairly simple. It would have cost an estimated $30,000 to campaign for a job that paid $3,600 a year.

          You could call that bad math.

          Here is a list of jobs you should not want:

          Quarterback, Cleveland Browns -- Skills needed: Ability to throw a football and hand off to others. Must be willing to accept injury, up to and including brain injuries. The last two guys have had concussions. They guy before that tore up his knee. This is one of those times a question about previous employees would be in order. On the plus side, there are openings on the offensive line. In fact, that's the problem, all the openings along the offensive line.

          President of the United States – Skills needed: Must be able to fool enough of the people enough of the time. Must be willing to lead a nation that does not want to be led and be responsible to a society which no longer values responsibility. If your loyal blogger was ever accidentally elected to this job, he would attend the swearing in ceremony, enjoy a week of official parties and then resign and live on the retirement afforded former presidents. Former Presidents don’t need Obamacare.

          Public school teacher – Skills needed: Are you kidding? Must be a government statistician, must be fully conversant on governmental rules regarding (but not limited to) child endangerment and emergency First Aid. Must understand the basics of psychology, sociology and psychiatry and must be up to speed on whatever pop culture says is hot at any moment. Oh yeah, must be a capable instructor when time allows. Must understand how unions work.

          Bomb Squad Member – If you see these people running, there is a reason. Accept what you see and don’t ask questions.

          PR rep for any ocean-bound cruise line – I have two words for you: Francesco Schettino.

          Vin Scully’s replacement – Vinnie, play-by-play man for the Los Angeles Dodgers, retires at the end of the 2014 season. It matters not who the replacement is. Nobody could replace the finest sports broadcaster of all time. No matter who the new Voice of the Dodgers is, Dodgers fans will say he or she sucks. Your loyal blogger hereby volunteers to take the job and accept the uproar (I don't think I'd suck, but everyone else would), paving the way for the next Voice to carry a smaller burden. I’ll get my Mom, the Mother of Leeway, to do color commentary. Everybody likes Mom.

           Thanks for reading.