Follow the Elders! We lead the way!

 

It is amazing what trend setters my wife and I have become. What is there to say? The last person to leave Los Angeles should turn off the lights, if there is any electricity left in the state of California by then.

          When we left my native land, we did so with the idea of achieving financial stability. It is cheaper to live in the Midwest after retirement than it is in Southern California and we knew that. My wife and I frequently brag that we sometimes to go the bank just to visit our money. What the heck, we don’t have much of a social life. Might as well visit all those dead presidents.

          Well, the world was paying attention. At least the sporting world was. Two institutions of higher learning followed the Elders. The University of Southern California and the University of California at Los Angeles both noticed the financial pitfalls of living in California. The schools recently announced that their athletic departments would follow the Elders and begin playing their road games in the Midwest and even in New Jersey.

          Brilliant. The two Los Angeles schools obviously considered their surroundings and bailed. Bordered by the wastelands of Beverly Hills, Santa Monica and Hollywood, they felt hindered by the greater Los Angeles area business climate. The schools were hopelessly limited in their ability to raise funds. Forced to compete with the limitless funding available at schools in Oregon, Washington, Utah, Arizona and Colorado, the SoCal schools bolted for the pot at the end of the rainbow in the Midwest. Those two bastions of business education will send their teams east for the same reason we went: Money.

          The Bruins and Trojans can send their golf, tennis, track/field and beach volleyball teams to venture off into the splendor of New Jersey, where each can play against Rutgers. Imagine beach volleyball along the shores of the Atlantic in the bracing air of the northeastern United States. They’ll play tennis on ice skates and rake in all that money. It will be easy to judge the shot putting competition; all the judges have to do is look for where the shot went through the ice.

          And think of how inclusive home games will become for USC and UCLA! All the Midwesterners who have moved west will be able to attend and root, root, root for the visiting team. It’ll sound like a Rams game. If that isn’t inclusion, there isn’t any such thing in today’s world.

          Yes, my wife and I are proud we were able to show the way. We’re happy that the geniuses who guide those two proud schools followed our lead and headed east. That’s where the money is.

        Thanks for reading.