2020 SPEEDYLEE AWARDS

2020 SPEEDYLEE AWARDS

It is time for the Speedylee Awards, our annual recognition of the world’s most recent 365-day spin through time and space. These awards were formally known as the Speedys, but that name was stolen and so now they are known as the Speedylees. The name, that is to say our award’s name, has changed and most of the categories change every year but the incredible honor remains the same.

This year brings a new twist: The beginning of an annual award. Read on!

Endeavor To Persevere Award: To Amy Elder for her unfailing courage in her fight against Breast Cancer. You go, girl!

Health Center of the Year Award:  Joint winners, Akron General Hospital and Reflections Breast Health Center in Akron for the tremendous and kind care they rendered my wife, Amy, in her time of need last summer. Because of those two care centers, I get to keep my wife.

The Big Count Award: To the 2020 Census, part of the United States Census Bureau, which is part of the US Department of Commerce. It’s a big job and somebody has to do it.

Idea That Came Too Late Award: Can you imagine how great it would have been to have Jim Henson’s character Count von Count be the honorary spokesman for the Census?

That Bloody Hill Award: Named after a book which has won several Speedylees, this will be the first-ever Speedylee Award to become an annual feature. The award goes to Civil War historians of note. The first-ever TBHA goes to Dr. Peter Carmichael of Gettysburg College, Director of the Civil War Institute. Dr. Pete’s enthusiasm and generous spirit are remarkable.

Mascot of the Year Award: To the Tigers of Louisiana State University, Clemson University and Imperial High School of Imperial, California.

Get Belted Award: To Sean and Mindy McEntee for earning their black belts in Brazilian Ju Jitsu in December. Our recommendation is to just leave them alone.

Signs of the Times Award: To the Houston Astros and New York Mets for going the extra mile to illegally steal signs from other teams; to Major League Baseball for somehow not punishing any of the players involved and to whoever it was that came up with the idea of beating on a trash can to transmit the purloined information.

Scowl Award: To POTUS Donald Trump and Representative Nancy Pelosi, neither of whom ever look happy.

Hang It Up Award: To Diane Weber who soldiered through forty years of service with the City of Los Angeles and then retired this month. Well earned.

Not Bloody Likely Award: To the group that says it has found Amelia Earhart’s plane in the Pacific Ocean near New Guinea, roughly two thousand miles from her intended destination, Howland Island.

You Got Me, I’ll Get You Award: To the United States Congress for spending more time deliberating the impeachment of Donald Trump than it will ever spend on collaborating to get the nation’s business done. We suspect every president will be impeached going forward.

Another Failure Award: To POTUS Donald Trump, who can add impeachment to his five bankruptcies.

Thanks Award: To the men and women who serve the United States in our military and as first responders at home. No thank yous are ever enough.