Renaming the college football conferences

MATHEMATICS AND SPORTS

Renaming some major conferences

Most of the major Division I conferences have gone through a realignment process in recent years and the resulting changes have rendered the Division I landscape very difficult to recognize. The reasons for the changes were obvious. The administrators of the conferences felt the need to extend their base of operations to make the television networks more viable.

     The SEC added Texas A&M and Missouri. The conference once based in the middle of the country and named the Big 10 now has 14 members. The conference known as the Big 12 now has 10 schools. The Pacific 10, which used to be the Pacific 8, is now the Pacific 12 and its roster of members includes four schools that do not touch the Pacific Ocean.

     Some of these conferences should call for their member schools to eliminate their Mathematics majors if this is the best their conference administrators can do in terms of counting. Come to think of it, they’d better drop Geography, too, if anyone studies that science.

     We have saved these mis-led leagues the trouble of paying for a marketing study to determine how to rename their leagues. We have done it for them. Someone needs to do it and that someone should not be an egg-headed college professor. We’ve seen what they can do. Thus, a real-world look at the problem, with rational solutions, is below.

     Enjoy.

THE ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE: This group includes Louisville and Pittsburgh, which are not located anywhere near the coast of the Atlantic Ocean. It produces champions in many sports, especially basketball, and one of its members is the reigning national champ in football. New name: Mostly Atlantic Conference, or the MAC. Yes, the acronym is taken. So what?

THE BIG 12 CONFERENCE: Has ten members, but there will be more shuffling soon and the number is likely to change again. Most of the current members were part of the old Southwestern Conference and this bunch should go back to the future. New name: Southwestern Conference.

THE BIG 10 CONFERENCE: By keeping its old name, the conference administrators admit that four of its member schools aren’t worth much. Unfortunately, The Big 10 And 4 Others Who Aren’t Worth Much is too long a name. This conference’s name has become a joke, a tagline for every grammer school teacher trying to teach students to count (“Don’t worry if you can’t count kid,” a teacher might say. “They have colleges for you in the Big 10.”) New name: The Big North.

THE MOUNTAIN WEST CONFERENCE: Actually, this one is pretty well-named. Its members include Hawaii, which is very far to the west and has mountains in it. We really wanted to rename this one The Surfer’s Paradise Conference but they don’t surf much in Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, Idaho or Nevada, so that name was out. Leave this one alone.

THE SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE: No counting errors in this one, it is actually fairly well-named. Still, we wonder which part of the Southeastern United States College Station, Texas (Texas A&M) or Columbia, Missouri (University of Missouri) are in, since both are located west of the Mississippi River. New Name: The Southeasternish Conference.

Finally, the list of independent schools (primarily for football) deserve better than to be simply listed as Independents. We feel schools not willing to join a conference do not deserve consideration for the football playoff system so, New name: Ineligible for the College Football Playoff System.