The 2016 SPEEDY Awards

Hard to believe that it is that time again, but it is time for our annual Speedy Awards. We have somewhere around 7,146 members of the Speedy Awards Commission, but my vote is the only one that counts, so who really cares about all those other people?

NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR: America’s two leading political parties each nominated a candidate for president that nobody liked. Then America got mad when one of those candidates won.

SPORTS STORY OF THE YEAR: Cubs win!! Cubs win!!

Runnerup: Mickey Dale is elected to the Imperial Valley High School Football Coaches Hall of Fame for his media work.

IT’S CONFUSING BUT THIS IS MY BLOG AND NOT YOURS TEAM OF THE YEAR AWARD: The Alabama Crimson Tide for winning the 2016 national football championship game.

HOLY HEADACHE AWARD: To NASCAR driver Dale Earnhart Jr. for sitting out much of the season with concussion symptoms and then winning NASCAR’s Most Popular Driver Award again anyway. That’s like a pitcher winning the Cy Young Award without pitching after the All-Star game.

GONNA MISS ‘EM AWARD: To announcers Vin Scully and Vern Lundquist, who retired in 2016. Gonna miss those voices.

ORGANIZER OF THE YEAR AWARD: To Amy Elder, President of the Tallmadge, Ohio Primetimers Club.

THE STEVE YOUNG MONKEY OFF HIS BACK AWARD: To drag racer Ron Capps for winning the NHRA Funny Car World Championship. Capps would have been elected to most racing Halls of Fame anyway after his racing days are over, but now he is a world champ and we can’t imagine any Hall that would ignore his career. Well done.

DEAD ON ARRIVAL AWARD: The Damn Good Colleague Award has been awarded to six public relations representatives in the drag racing industry. Five of the six either lost or left their jobs within two months of winning the award. One of the five managed to return to drag racing later the following season. The award has been discontinued.

SEASON OF THE YEAR AWARD: To Winter for not showing up in Northeastern Ohio.

WORST DECISION OF THE YEAR AWARD: To the San Diego Chargers for deciding to move to Los Angeles. The decision was made in 2016, we are sure. The Chargers want to play in a bigger stadium so they might end up playing on a 32,000-seat soccer field for a while. There are high schools stadiums in Texas that hold more fans. Little Eddie used to say it on the Zachery All commercials, “That just don’t make sense.”