I was walking out the computer room
after blogging practice the other day when this skinny guy fell is step beside
me and started jabbering.
You see guys like this sometimes. He
wore three heavy gold chains around his neck, his shirt was open to the middle
of his hairy chest, the bill of his ball cap was rolled up and he wore
pink-tinted sunglasses. He wore a green silk sweats and black socks inside his
sandals.
Man, could this guy talk.
“Heard you missed a few blogs last
week,” he said.
I nodded, just to be polite. “Strained
syntax. Be ready to go in a day or two.”
“Kid, you’re too good to miss time
that way. You should be using this new blog medicine. Give you stronger
sentence structure in no time. Your words will hit harder and longer. Turn on
the computer, bring up the blog and inject this stuff once a week. You’ll have
a stronger blog.”
My blog is afraid of needles and,
besides, all of us had been warned about talking to guys like this. I told him
it is against blog league rules to use that stuff.
“Hah,” the guy said. “There is no test
that catches this stuff. Every blog in the league uses this stuff. You have no
chance to beat them if you don’t start using it soon. Besides, it’s only
against the rules if you get caught.”
“What’s the name of this stuff,” I
asked.
“Grammerlisterine,” he said. “Most
bloggers we work with say their punctuation gets better as soon as they start
using. Their breath smells better, too.”
It sounded too good, if you catch my
drift. This guy was pretty slick. He seemed to have an answer for everything,
but he didn’t actually say anything. I wondered if he wasn’t a closet
politician.
“What about the side effects,” I
asked. “The long-term stuff, like when my blog gets old.”
“Do you really want an old blog, Kid?
When this one starts to look old, dump it and start another one. Use
Grammerlisterine from the start with the next one and your blog will be really
powerful. Have you noticed how good some of these high school bloggers are now?
They’re all using this stuff.”
I was amazed to hear that teenaged
kids were using WEDs (Writing Enhancing Drugs).
“Most of my business comes from
teenaged blogs that can’t attract readers but think they’re going to get rich
in the NBL (National Blogging League) someday.”
WEDs had been in the news a lot that
month. Lots of blogs had been suspended for wording up (that’s what bloggers
call using WEDs). You probably read about the most recent MPB (Most Popular
Blog) sitting out the whole blogging season after getting caught using Paragraph
Growth Hormone.
I knew I had to get away from this
guy. When we came up to a crowd of people as we were walking, I pushed through
and then cut into a building doorway just to get away from the guy. I’d heard
about blogs that died after struggling for years with writers block. Every one
of them could trace the illness back to WED use. I didn’t want to be another
blogging statistic and, anyway, I liked the challenge of blogging naturally
against CEBs (Chemically Enhanced Blogs).
I still enjoy that challenge.
I reported being approached by the guy
to my coaches and they contacted the league office. It turned out the guy was
already under investigation for providing common sense to members of congress.
CS, as you know, was banned for use by government employees years ago.
I want all of you to know that this
happened. I was smart enough stay away from WEDs, but your little blogs might
someday be approached the same way I was. It’s never too late to teach the
little ones about the safe, smart way to blog.
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