To you, the Speedyleeway readers

I decided to take a look at the readership history of this blog. Now that I’ve done so, I know less than I did before I looked at the stats.

Okay, okay, I know that isn’t saying much. But the point is that, armed with all this information, I feel like Sergeant Schultz from the old Hogan’s Heroes TV show because I know nothing.

I’m sure I’ve met people who are native to the nation of Russia, but I don’t really know anyone living there. I don’t speak Russian and I know just a smattering of Russian history. I’ve not blogged about Russia.

Yet, after the United States, my second largest number of page views comes from Russia. I don’t even know the Russian word for ‘hello.’ I know the Russian word for ‘goodbye,’ but I can’t spell it. So if you are a Russian reader, try to image me standing here, waiving a friendly greeting.

Canada, a nation where I have friends and that is a friendly, neighboring nation to my own, has produced a grand total of three page views.

Three.

If I hadn’t blogged about a terrific quarterback of the Canadian Football League, I doubt I’d have a single Canadian reader. Oh Canada, how have I done you wrong? (Sing the opening line of the Canadian National Anthem here. See how the last line matches up?)

Malaysia, which I can’t find on a map, is third in the Speedyleeway readership poll. I’m grateful; I just don’t know where you are.

Germany is next and this makes sense. Not only do I know where Germany is, my son has been there twice, while he was in the service, and my Dad visited Germany as a tourist once about 15 years ago. All I can do is assume both Dad and my son made a lot of friends while in Germany. A lot of friends.

India is tied with Canada for fourth but both are a far distance behind the legions of rabid Speedyleeway followers in Malaysia. I once worked with a woman who was born in India. She was brilliant and a terrific writer. I haven’t seen her in two decades and I doubt she is among my Indian readership. But at least I have known someone from there.

Latvia and Indonesia are near the bottom with two, count ‘em, two page views each. The Ukraine is last one with a solo page view.

I am sure there is a logical explanation for all of this. There must be some kind of a server pattern or a world wide web use projection that explains how I ended up with readers in so many far away locations. Maybe there is a discompounded anomaly in the grid management system which distends the reception matrix, echoing the rebound routers.

I know that can happen sometimes. That’s how systems can develop a dysfunctional Gresham card.

I wrote that with a straight face. Thanks for reading, wherever you are.